Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
