No awkward lesbian experiences without me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
