I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
