Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
