Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
