i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize