Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
