i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
