she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
