I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
