I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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