so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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