What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Boobs speak an international language.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
