I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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