Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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