At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
