Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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