Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize