Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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