Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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