3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
