I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
