even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
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I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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