Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
