don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
