My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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