I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
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Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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