I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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