he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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