I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
