My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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