Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
