I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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