Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
