I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
