Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
