dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
