when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
