my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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