the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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