I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
