Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
