We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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