Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
