who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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