Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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