I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
