you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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