worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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