There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
