he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
