At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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