i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
