I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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