3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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