I think i peed on brittanys purse
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
