she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
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Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
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we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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