I wish life had little blips of pornography
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
