Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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