I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
