I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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