I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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