He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
