Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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