i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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