i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
