ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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