Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
